I’d already written my blog this week. My dad got a new
iPhone and I was going to rip into him about his lack of technological common
sense. And, actually, just his lack of ability to open the box that the iPhone
came in. Not to mention his troubles
with the phone itself, once he turned it on (it took a while to find the power
button). But that blog didn’t happen, after the events of the weekend…
Sunrise at Long Beach
Some friends and I were supposed to go tramping over Easter
but the car kind of broke down, so we didn’t go. Instead, we decided to play it
safe and just take the car for a small twirl and go camping at Long Beach.
Always a good time for a swim
We had lots of good chats. I divulged the results of some of
my numerous BuzzFeed quizzes… I am more Tris, than Katniss. Hermione, than
Ginny. People’s first impression of me is ‘quirky’ (I thought this was
generous). My dog should be called
‘Buddy.’ At the Battle of Hogwarts, I would survive. I’d be a professional
Quidditch player. If I were a tiny animal, I would be a tiny kitten (not what I
wanted, but if science has taught me anything, it is that you can’t argue with
results). Anyway, you get the picture. Conversations that would have been better
had they been slightly more blurry the following morning.
Our epic campsite
However, the slight blurryness of the following morning was
not to be.
You see, I had carefully squirrelled away two bottles of wine from my parents
rather dusty collection, reasoning that they would not notice that the bottles
that had quietly disappeared. I decided to take one red and one white.
Something for everyone. The Camping Crew collectively decided to save the white
for dessert. All class, of course. I carefully poured out each person a rather
generous glass. However, a mere sip was taken before the exclamation rung out, “Ugh,
this tastes like water!’ Soon thereafter similar exclamations ensued. Needless
to say, it was, in fact, water.
Long Beach
You see, what had happened was I had accidentaly cracked
into my parent’s emergency water store. They store emergency water in wine
bottles on the bench – like all normal people preparing for an emergency. Rookie
Steph, did not know this. In my ignorance, I had taken one these bottles
thinking that it was white wine. I noticed that the red and white bottles both
said Shiraz. I noticed that the desription was the same for both of them;
‘spicy and silky with plum, blackberries and hints of rich dark chocolate.’ I
thought, ‘huh, how strange,' but did not use any of my analytical thinking
skills (being carefully developed by my expensive university education) to put
two and two together.
Emergency water store
Emergency wine store
My parents obviously have this emergency water store for
more than one reason. Emergency water for a natural disaster. Emergency water
for children with slightly alcoholic tendencies who try to smuggle more than the prescribed amount of
alcohol out of the house.
Actually though, what I want to know is, who, the hell, stores emergency
water in wine bottles on the bench?
What’s up with that?
Seriously, who does that?!?
Nature's wonders
Their child proof plan is quite clearly child proof.
I find it all the more ironic because it’s Easter. I wonder
if, because Jesus died, all that water he had turned into wine turned back into
water? And maybe, because it’s now Sunday, and on Sunday he rose again, it’ll
turn back to wine? I found this to be a rather
un-religiously PC joke, but at I comfort myself with the thought that I think
Jesus would find this mildly amusing too.
Un-religiously PC meme.
'Changed water to wine:
Woke up three days later in some cave'
Anyway, I am obviously not going to be a wine connisseur
anytime soon. And I would say that, for somebody that was planning on ripping the
shit out of their parents, the parents quite obviously know how to play the
game.
Well played, Parents. Well played. I am sufficiently
impressed.
I am probably, also, the rather worthy receipient of a
s-l-o-w clap.
Happy Easter!
