The Birthday of the Queen

Studying truly is bad for your health. I speak from extensive first hand experience. I’m convinced it’s like smoking… the only difference being that the research just isn’t quite there yet. In a few more years we are going to wonder why the university system ever endorsed such an archaic and barbaric system.

Smoking: It's got to be good for you

Here is my breakdown of why studying is bad for your health. Studying is bad for one’s physical, spiritual and emotional well-being.

Physical detrimental effects of studying

I am seriously concerned that I am going to become the  new Quasimodo; the new Hunchback of Notre Dame. I actually read an article on the web the other day that said sitting for more than three hours a day is bad for you and should be avoided (at all costs). So even if I did sit up straighter, I would still be screwed. The science of detrimental effects of studying on one’s health is already there but we just have not yet, officially, managed to connect the dots. This might sound a bit silly, but I am also worried about getting a square bum from sitting down for so long. You might think that I am joking but I am not. I am concerned about this.

Quasimodo/Me

Emotional detrimental effects of studying

Studying is bad for your emotional wellbeing. I have nightmares about my study. I wake up thinking about my study. It’s the last thing I think about at night. That’s obsessive. Obsessive behaviour is not good or normal. Surely there has been science done about the detrimental effects of obsessive behaviour on one’s emotional health.

AND this morning I opened my old faithful laptop to be greeted by ‘Critical micelle concentration of surfactant and mixed surfactant and polymer by different methods at room temperature and its importance.’ If that’s not going to be detrimental to one’s health, then the world isn’t round (actually, the earth isn’t round – it’s more of an ellipsoid, but you get my point).  

It's not round

Spiritual detrimental effects of studying

Studying is most definitely bad for your spiritual well-being. There’s nothing like a below par afternoon of study to really get your spirits down. To make matters worse, this particular weekend (the one right before my exams) is the birthday of the Queen (the real one; not the family royalty). Queen Lizzie has chosen the worst possible weekend to have a birthday and it’s not even her real birthday… Anyway, being good patriots of an small english colony far from the Crown, my family has come together for this one weekend in history to celebrate ol’ Queenie. It has literally been over 18 months since we were all together. But we’re not really all together, because I’ve been studying. Which has most definitely been terrible for the levels of my spirit. It is literally a bigger family gathering than Christmas for the last two years. We have family from Auckland, family from Wellington, family from Timaru, family from Invercargill – seriously, what the hell? It’s only the queen and it’s only her birthday; it’s not like she died or anything.

The Queen: Not dead yet

Pretty much my family

Detrimental side-effects of  studying

Side effects of this study business include eating the house out of all nice food; lack of exercise and lack of sunlight. Papa Bear bought me two packets of my all-time favourite biscuits this week, to help get me through. I am not sure that they’ll help me get anywhere other than the diabetes clinic. (They even joked about needing to take the side of the house off for me, which they found funny; me - not so much).

I have also raised the status of my room to that of a health-hazard. It has become a complete pig-sty (it is, therefore, a good thing that I like pigs). It is so messy that I am ill at ease about walking through my own bedroom. Sometimes I stand on a folder, sending me sliding. Sometimes I stand on something that goes crunch, which is very disconcerting. And then sometimes, I wonder if it is possible for clothes to get matted into the carpet, the same way things can get matted into one’s hair.

Me in my room

I would tidy it, but the last time I tidied my room, I lost all my important university documents and had bad karma for a week (that’s a real thing). So I’m leaving tidying my room till after my exams. The state of my room is all the more hazardous because earlier this week, I tripped over the cord to my bedside lamp, which of course, fell to its imminent death. Needless to say, it has not been resurrected, so my hazardous room, has become even more hazardous due to the lack of emergency floor path lighting.

My room

However, the week hasn’t been without it’s entertainment too… I took Mama Bear with me to my spin class this week (we were trying to combat the ‘lack of exercise’ side-effect of studying). She arrived with her shorts on inside out and no water bottle. She nearly fainted during the class, when we did time trials (where you are explosive over short distances). It wasn’t till she got home that I told her that the instructor was making up the commentary at the front of the room; he actually had no idea how fast you were going or which team won. You’ve got to give her some props though, for effort, and not wanting to let the team down.  But the point of this short anecdote is to illustrate that studying, and it’s side effects are extremely detrimental to one’s health.

So, enjoy the Queen’s birthday. Whether you be studying or enjoying the sunshine, you can’t win.

Home Alone

I mentioned last week that my flatmates had abandoned me. They went on holiday without me (they probably planned it like that. C’est la vie). Being lonely is probably my deepest and darkest fear. So, naturally, I was anxious about spending two weeks at home alone. It sounds a bit silly now, but sometimes two weeks can be a long time. In preparation for my time at Home Alone, I thought very seriously about watching Home Alone, the original, on VHS. However, that idea never lifted off, because I would have had to watch the video tape (literally) on the TV, which is in the lounge, which is cold. My bed is a much happier option, which didn't have Home Alone, The Original.  While I didn’t end up watching Home Alone, the house was been suitably booby-trapped. Maybe I’m joking; maybe I’m not. Who knows. Maybe you should try me…

Me.

Or the kid off Home Alone.

Or whatever.

Much to my great surprise, I actually enjoyed myself a lot. I had all sorts of great experiences. I listened to lots of music – I needed something to fill the silence. I don’t usually like talking about my taste in music, because I feel that music is a window to one’s soul, but meh. I was listening to my indie-folk playlist (made by some other indie-folk listening person) on the internet (as you do) and I got really annoyed at their song choice. While listening to my indie-folk playlist, I thought, ‘this is such a mainstream indie playlist.’ I’m so indie, that I find indie music mainstream. How indie is that?

It was at this time that I picked up my music playing device in a rage and threw it across the room. It hit the opposite wall hard, and fell to the floor. There it lay for the remainder of the evening, punished for its poor music choice, banished from my good graces.

My reaction to the situation

(See below)

All sorts of other fun things happened too… Like I watched What We Do In The Shadows; only the best New Zealand film in the history of New-Zealand-kind. It was one of my New Year’s resolution to stop swearing; at this stage, it is not going well. However, my motivation was renewed after watching this film. My new mantra is ‘we’re werewolves, not swearwolves.’

My vampire friend, Viago

On Friday, I read a great blog post some random had written. It was called, ‘Why your Friday night would be more fulfilling if you just stayed in.’ It all sorts of great reasons why staying in on Friday night is good for your health. As I considered my many social engagements last Friday and read this blog, I decided to stay home, because, after all, ‘It designates a time for… alone time.’ I hadn’t had enough of that recently. Alone time was definitely something that I needed more of. It was wonderful. That me time. So good for my overall mental, spiritual and emotional health.

Seems legit.

I also got visited by some super cute prickly friends. I didn’t realise until very recently, that for Americans, wild hedgehogs are a novelty. I had this little hedgehog come and visit my lawn. Apparently that’s exciting for an American. If nothing else, her enthusiasm made me appreciate the experience more. Later on in the week, Rosie found a hedgehog and tried to make friends with it by putting it in her mouth. And biting down. So…

My not so furry friend

Perhaps most importantly, however, I realised that I am my parent’s daughter (surprise, surprise). I’d been complaining, during the weeks prior to my flatmates departure, that they had not been pulling their weight around the house; that they were the reason that the house was such a tip. Turns out they aren’t… I think that we are all as bad as each other. You see, my dad and I have a very similar work desk organisation method. And my mum and I have a very similar kitchen bench organisational method. You might not be able to see it. Fear not; it is a subtle method. I wouldn’t expect you to understand.

How I like the kitchen table

How I like the kitchen bench

I also managed not to go to the supermarket for the past two weeks. I survived on nothing but rice and water. Kind of joking. Not really. It was very Bear Grylls style.

Very Bear Grylls

So the flatmates got home today. They were a little unnerved about just how happy I was having been left at home for the last two weeks. It is great to have them home. They cooked me a dinner with more flavours in one meal, than I have had in the last two weeks.

Maybe I’m as useless as I sound; maybe I’m not.

Who knows?

The nose knows.

And this is what happens if you get left alone for long periods of time.

The end.

My Life

It’s true. I haven’t been doing very many interesting things lately. I’ve been doing assignments. And studying. Then maybe having a cup of tea if I’m feeling frisky. And then, more work.

'Nah, my father's a women's rights activist.'

'Not your mum?'

'No. Mum... No. Dad wouldn't allow that. No way.'

It’s even gotten to the stage that when my friend asked me what I had spent my Saturday doing, and I responded with, ‘oh, you know, just work,’ to which she exclaimed, ‘your life sucks!’

A bit harsh maybe, but definitely touché, Pussycat.

'Stuff you, Jemaine and stuff you Bret.

And stuff you again, Jemaine.'

'Why did I get double stuffed?'

But then I got to thinking about me (not an uncommon occurrence) and my life (also, not an uncommon occurrence) and I couldn’t help thinking that she was very wrong. There are lots of things going on in my life at the moment that are perhaps not so much about instant gratification – fact - but I have so many things that make my life decidedly unsucky. In fact, I would go so far as to say, these things make my life an epic adventure.

'We shouldn't even be arguing in front of the map.'

I have come up with four easy steps to having a life that is an epic adventure. Just kdding. But I do think that there are four things that make my life epic. There are more, for sure, and I’ve decided to give my family a well-deserved rest and focus on these four key things. I don’t think that anybody else finds my dogs as entertaining as me, except for maybe my mother. But Mother Bear has abandoned me this week and has gone on holiday with Papa Bear. Maybe they’ve gone on holiday from me, who knows? Anyway… Enough about the family and dogs.

So, the four things that come to mind that make my life epic are as follows:

High School Friends

It always amazes me that I am legitimately friends with anybody who actually knows my seriously strange personality and has been forced to put up with my strange antics for a prolonger period of time. You see, I’m still friends with these delightful creatures, even though I laughed when I found out that my friend’s pet rat choked to death in it’s cage (I just wasn’t quite sure how that was going to play out). Despite repeatedly emptying the hole punch into a girl’s jacket pockets with the left overs from a hole punch (which are apparently called chads – fun fact #394), I’m still friends with her. I’m still friends with the girls to whom I confessed that feet didn’t gross me out (under certain circumstances). I’m still friends with the girls that saw me through the most awkward stage of my life; and let’s be honest, it was a super awkward stage…

'Greg, do you think of us as friends?'

'I hope so, Murray.'

'We're not. We're colleagues.'

Friends from my hall/first year flatting

It always amazes me that I am friends with anybody who has ever lived with me. I’m friends with people who understand the appeal of an impromptu dance party to One Direction at volumes so loud, I’m sure the Australians heard (these dance parties were so enthusiastic that our house tutor had to break into our room to stop them). And, even more amazingly, I’m still friends with those who didn’t understand the appeal of these dance parties either. I’m still friends with the girl whose face I covered in cream (perhaps not so bad, but the smell of cream makes her throw up). I’m still friends with the girls that I endured a leaky light-bulb with in our first year flatting (admittedly, I was always going home to escape the sub-standard living arrangements, but who could hold that against me?).

'You're too easily offended.'

'I can't believe you just said that.'

Friends from overseas

I’m always amazes me how we people get on for the first little bit until they start annoying you. But I am still friends with the girl that broke my window meaning that I had a piece of cardboard between me and the Icelandic winter. I’m still friends with the same girl even though I woke her up with the car alarm three times in one week (that’s almost impressive on my part, I think). I am still friends with the people that sometimes ripped me out so much that I got so sulky that I walked home early and by myself because I can give it but I can’t take it (sad, but true). I’m amazed that after travelling with a friend for a month we still talk regularly and are actually friends at all (I got VERY hangry on numerous occasions). I have a friend who I told everything that they did that annoyed me in a conversational manner (actually, we don’t talk so much anymore, but I think we’re still friends).

'He's come all the way from New Zealand.

It is a country. Yes, it is!'

Other friends

Then there are my friends who don’t fall into one of these categories but are equally awesome and also make my life suck less.

'After six or seven weeks, girls find me boring.

But I'm not sure what happens, cause that's 

about how long it takes to get to know someone.'

Admittedly, a lot of my friends are not in the city, or even in the country anymore/never lived in NZ (or for that matter would be able to locate it on a map). Maybe I don’t talk to you regularly or at all, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t still make my life decidedly less sucky. You guys make my life an epic adventure. So life can suck on that. 

Equal and Opposite

As a student of science, I am beginning to understand a few of the very basic ideas that are fundamental to a scientific education. Often, I find, with chemistry and physics at least, it is difficult to understand the real world applications of these fundamental ideas. Two scientific ideas that have been exemplified in my life this week are Newton’s Third Law and Le Chatelier’s Principle. My week has been governed by either or both of these laws, depending on if you are physics or chemically minded. I just realised that I have started writing this blog as a lab report. That is sad. I shall endeavour not to.

Nobody puts or thinks inside the box

For those of us that are less scientific in upbringing, or perhaps their scientific understanding has moved on to greater heights and they no longer remember these basic ideas here they are to refresh your memory:

Newton’s Third Law: For every action, there is an equal and opposite and opposite reaction.

Newton

Le Chatelier’s Principle: (Effectively) If an equilibrium is altered, the system will move to correct this change.

Le Chat. 

My life is a delicate balance. I walk the fine line between kind of organised and an absolute mess. Normally, that’s completely fine. Except, for a fateful moment early this week, when I temporarily forgot my training. In what later came to be seen as a very Rookie move, I thought to myself, with exams coming up, ‘tidy room, tidy mind.’

What kind of loser cleans their room if they don’t need to find something?

A constant state of disarray

However, personally, I thought that Life’s equal and opposite reaction to my tidying my room was a bit over the top. Life took it’s own back rather more than it needed to.

Anyway, in order to correct the equilibrium that had been altered by my tidying my room, life decided it was high time that my memory stick had an unsupervised sleep over at university. And elope.

As it is should be

Losing one’s memory stick would ordinarily not be that much of a problem, except my faithful laptop has been in and out of the computer hospital all year (I think he might pass away soon). So everything was saved on my memory stick. The retyping of my assignments was a royal waste of time (royal because I am pretty much royalty – see earlier posts). This made me very unhappy. And I got sore hands. It wasn’t good. Or pretty.

However, obviously Life decided that this reaction did not equal my initial action, so it continued to react (equal and opposite, remember).

How much stuff can we fit in the cupboard and make it look tidy-ish?

So Life took my toothbrush.

Yeah, I know. Not a big deal. But I find brushing my teeth very soothing. Like, very soothing. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little OCD about it. Ordinarily, I actually have about 4 or 5 toothbrushes on the go at once, located in different rooms around the house so that if I’m feeling a bit anxious, there is toothbrush handy for my self-soothing technique. But I was down to one. And I life took it. And I lost my self-soothing technique. And so I couldn’t self-soothe. And what does a baby do if it can’t self-soothe?

The bench on a tidier-than-usual day

But Life had still not corrected the room tidying in which I had so wrongfully indulged at the beginning of the week. The third and arguably biggest way (although, please don’t underestimate how losing my toothbrush affected me) that Life pushed back was by having me forget that I was meeting someone for coffee. It makes me feel terrible even thinking about it. My very first thought was to text Mother Bear and tell her that we were related after all, because I just forgot a coffee date too (this is a common thing for my mum to do). She replied with (what I thought to be very ironic):

‘What have I forgotten this week? I don’t remember.’

(She actually went around to a friends place for dinner last night to find them not there, because it was actually Sunday night, not Saturday that they had invited her for – c’est la vie in my family)

Best pick up line ever. 

So, hopefully, Life has re-equilibrated, and finished reacting in equal and opposite force. I’ve paid my penance. I’ve repented my sins. I’ve learnt my lesson; no more room tidying for me.

If you get this, you are definitely a nerd.

Welcome to the club. 

Don’t mess with Newton. Or Le Chatelier. Or science.